Why do men want their brides to wear white?

Why do men want their brides to wear white?

Because they want their dishwasher to match their fridge and stove!

Share and Enjoy

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Delicious
  • Digg
  • StumbleUpon
  • Add to favorites
  • Email
  • RSS

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their domestic …

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. A local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.

“Well, it dates back to our honeymoon,” explained the lady. “We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon by pack mule. We hadn’t gone too far when my husband’s mule stumbled. My husband quietly said ‘That’s once.’ We proceeded a little farther when the mule stumbled again. Once more my husband quietly said, ‘That’s twice.’ We hadn’t gone a half-mile when the mule stumbled a third time. My husband took a pistol from his pocket and shot him.

I started to protest over his treatment of the mule when he looked at me and quietly said ‘That’s once.'”

Share and Enjoy

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Delicious
  • Digg
  • StumbleUpon
  • Add to favorites
  • Email
  • RSS

A philosophy professor walks in to give his class their final. Placing his chair …

A philosophy professor walks in to give his class their final. Placing his chair on his desk the professor instructs the class, “Using every applicable thing you’ve learned in this course, prove to me that this chair DOES NOT EXIST.”

So, pencils are writing and erasers are erasing, students are preparing to embark on novels proving that this chair doesn’t exist, except for one student. He spends thirty seconds writing his answer, then turns his final in to the astonishment of his peers.

Time goes by, and the day comes when all the students get their final grades … and to the amazment of the class, the student who wrote for thirty seconds gets the highest grade in the class.

His answer to the question: “What chair?”

Share and Enjoy

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Delicious
  • Digg
  • StumbleUpon
  • Add to favorites
  • Email
  • RSS

Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands. When Adam stayed out …

Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands. When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset.

“You’re running around with other women,” she charged.

“You’re being unreasonable,” Adam responded. “You’re the only woman on earth.” The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by someone poking him in the chest. It was Eve.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Adam demanded.

“Counting your ribs!”

Share and Enjoy

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Delicious
  • Digg
  • StumbleUpon
  • Add to favorites
  • Email
  • RSS

Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives. …

Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives.

“Do you and your wife ever do it doggie style?” .

“Well … not exactly.” his friend replied, “She’s more into the trick dog aspect of it.”

“Oh, I see, kinky, huh?”

“Well … not exactly … I sit up and beg and she rolls over and plays dead.”

Share and Enjoy

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Delicious
  • Digg
  • StumbleUpon
  • Add to favorites
  • Email
  • RSS

Two old ladies were outside their nursing home, having a smoke when it started …

Two old ladies were outside their nursing home, having a smoke when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette and continued smoking.

Lady 1: “What’s that?”

Lady 2: “A condom. This way my cigarette doesn’t get wet.”

Lady 1: “Where did you get it?”

Lady 2: “You can get them at any drugstore.”

The next day … Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The guy looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age), but politely asks what brand she prefers.

Lady 1: “It doesn’t matter as long as it fits a Camel.”

Share and Enjoy

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Delicious
  • Digg
  • StumbleUpon
  • Add to favorites
  • Email
  • RSS

Mr. and Mrs. Smith went to a sex therapist who promised to only take their case …

Mr. and Mrs. Smith went to a sex therapist who promised to only take their case if he knew he could help them. After hours of tests, he agreed he could help. He told them to stop at the store on the way home and buy donuts and grapes. Mrs. Smith was to toss the donuts at Mr.Smith’s erection and eat the ones that stayed on. Mr.Smith was to roll the grapes across the floor and eat the ones that became lodged in Mrs. Smith’s love canal.

A few weeks later, the Jones came to see the doctor. “Our friends the Smiths told us to come to you.” they said.

The doctor ran the tests and came back to the Jonses. He told them he was sorry but there was just nothing he could do. The Jonses said “You helped the Smiths, why won’t you help us?”

After continued begging from the Jonses, the doc said “ok, ok … stop by the market on the way home and buy a box of Cheerios and a bag of oranges.”

Share and Enjoy

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Delicious
  • Digg
  • StumbleUpon
  • Add to favorites
  • Email
  • RSS

3 guys go camping in their new tent. …

3 guys go camping in their new tent.

After a night’s sleep, the guy sleeping on the left of the tent wakes up in a cold sweat and tells the others “I had the most horrible nightmare that somebody was trying to pull my dick off!”

The guy sleeping on the right says “Weird! I had the exact same dream!”

The guy sleeping in the middle says “I had a dream that I was skiing …”

Share and Enjoy

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Delicious
  • Digg
  • StumbleUpon
  • Add to favorites
  • Email
  • RSS

10% of the women had sex within the first hour of their first date. …

10% of the women had sex within the first hour of their first date.
20% of the men had sex in a non-traditional place.
36% of the women favour nudity.
45% of the women prefer dark men with blue eyes.
46% of the women experienced anal sex.
70% of the women prefer sex in the morning.
80% of the men have never experienced homosexual relations.
90% of the women would like to have sex in the forest.
99% of the women have never experienced sex in the office.

Conclusion:

Statistically speaking, you have a better chance of having anal sex in the morning with a strange woman in the forest than to have sex in the office at the end of the day.

Moral:

Do not stay late in the office. Nothing good will ever come of it!

Share and Enjoy

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Delicious
  • Digg
  • StumbleUpon
  • Add to favorites
  • Email
  • RSS