A Chinese man rings his boss and says: Me sick I cann`t come to work. …

A Chinese man rings his boss and says: Me sick I cann`t come to work.

The Boss says: “when I am sick, I fuck my wife … try that?”

Two hours later the Chinese man rings back and says: “Me better now you got a nice house!”

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Paddy and his two friends are talking at a bar. His first friend says: “I think …

Paddy and his two friends are talking at a bar. His first friend says: “I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. Last week I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren’t mine.”

His second friend says: “I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber. This week I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn’t mine.”

Paddy says: “I think my wife is having an affair with a horse.” Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief. “No I’m serious. Yesterday I came home and found a jockey under our bed.”

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A young man comes home and says: “Dad, just got my driver’s license and would …

A young man comes home and says: “Dad, just got my driver’s license and would like to use the family car.”

Father replies: “OK son. But, first, you have to get good grades in school, keep your room clean, make the yard is neat, and cut your hair. Come back in a few months and then we’ll see.”

Well, several months pass and the young man comes into the house with his report card in his hand. “Dad, I got great marks on my report card. I’ve been keeping my room as neat as a pin, and the yard is always ship-shape. How about letting me use the car?”

Father replies: “That’s all true, but son you didn’t cut your hair.”

Son says: “But, dad, Jesus had long hair.”

Father replies: “Yes, son, you’re perfectly right. And he walked everywhere he went!”

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Two married Fellas, Jim and Alec were having a beer after work. Jim says: “Have …

Two married Fellas, Jim and Alec were having a beer after work. Jim says: “Have you ever said something when you meant to say something else?”

“How do you mean?” said Alec.

“Well, see the other day, instead of two tickets to Pittsburgh, I asked for two pickets to Titsberg”

“Yeah, I know what you mean,” said Alec. “Last week I was having breakfast with my wife. I meant to say ‘Pass me the Sugar.’ But what came out was “You bitch, you’ve ruined my life!!!”

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