Elton John wasn’t the only one who composed a song for Diana:
1) Roxette – “Crash! Boom! Bang!”
2) Michael Jackson – “Blood on the dashboard!”
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Elton John wasn’t the only one who composed a song for Diana: …
There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
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Have you ever noticed that it’s only ‘perfect’ people who are murdered or killed …
Have you ever noticed that it’s only ‘perfect’ people who are murdered or killed in horrific accidents?
“He was the perfect son” or “She was the perfect daughter.”
“Such a tragic accident they were the perfect family.”
“They died together, the perfect couple till the end.”
Makes me glad I abuse my kids and beat up my wife. Makes me kind of immortal.
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A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him …
A man stumbles up to the only other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.
“Why of course,” comes the reply.
The first man then asks: “Where are you from?”
“I’m from Ireland,” replies the second man.
The first man responds: “You don’t say, I’m from Ireland too! Let’s have another round to Ireland.”
“Of Course,” replies the second man.
Curious, the first man then asks: “Where in Ireland are you from?”
“Dublin,” comes the reply.
“I can’t believe it,” says the first man. “I’m from Dublin too! Let’s have another drink to Dublin.”
“Of course,” replies the second man.
Curiosity again strikes and the first man asks: “What school did you go to?”
“Saint Mary’s,” replies the second man. “I graduated in ’62.”
“This is unbelievable!” the first man says. “I went to Saint Mary’s and I graduated in ’62, too!”
About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. “What’s been going on?” he asks the bartender.
“Nothing much,” replies the bartender. “The O’Malley twins are drunk again.”
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Tarzan had been living alone in his jungle kingdom for 25 years with only …
Tarzan had been living alone in his jungle kingdom for 25 years with only suitably shaped holes in trees for sex.
Jane, a reporter, came to Africa in search of this legendary figure.
One day, deep in the wilds, she came to a clearing and discovered Tarzan vigorously thrusting himself into a jungle oak. She watched in awe for awhile.
Finally, overcome by this display of animal passion, Jane came out in to the open and offered herself to him.
As she reclined on the wild grass, Tarzan became aroused. He quickly ran over and kicked her in the crotch really hard.
In pain, she screamed, “What the hell did you do that for?”.
Tarzan replied, “Tarzan always check for squirrels first.”
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In a small town in the US, there is a rather sizable factory that hires only …
In a small town in the US, there is a rather sizable factory that hires only married men. Concerned about this, a local woman called on the manager and asked him, “Why is it you limit your employees to married men? Is it because you think women are weak, dumb, cantankerous … or what?”
“Not at all, Ma’am,” the manager replied. “It is because our employees are used to obeying orders, are accustomed to being shoved around, know how to keep their mouths shut and don’t pout when I yell at them.”
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Yesterday I was at the local Wal-Mart. Now I was only in there for about 5 …
Yesterday I was at the local Wal-Mart. Now I was only in there for about 5 minutes and when I came out, there he was – a damn Motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket …
So, I went to him and said: “Come on Buddy, how about giving a guy a break?”
He simply ignored me and continued writing the ticket.
So, I called him a pencil necked Nazi. He then glared at me and started writing another ticket for having bald tires!
So, I called him a sorry excuse for a human being. He then finished the second ticket and put it on the car with the first. Then he started to write a third ticket!
This went on for about 25 minutes … the more I abused and hurled insults at him, the more tickets he wrote …
But hey, I didn’t give a damn. My car was parked around the corner …
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A couple goes to an art gallery. They find a picture of a naked women with only …
A couple goes to an art gallery. They find a picture of a naked women with only her privates covered with leaves. The wife doesn’t like it and moves on but the huband keeps looking.
The wife asks: “What are you waiting for?”
The husband replies: “Autumn.”
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Mr. and Mrs. Smith went to a sex therapist who promised to only take their case …
Mr. and Mrs. Smith went to a sex therapist who promised to only take their case if he knew he could help them. After hours of tests, he agreed he could help. He told them to stop at the store on the way home and buy donuts and grapes. Mrs. Smith was to toss the donuts at Mr.Smith’s erection and eat the ones that stayed on. Mr.Smith was to roll the grapes across the floor and eat the ones that became lodged in Mrs. Smith’s love canal.
A few weeks later, the Jones came to see the doctor. “Our friends the Smiths told us to come to you.” they said.
The doctor ran the tests and came back to the Jonses. He told them he was sorry but there was just nothing he could do. The Jonses said “You helped the Smiths, why won’t you help us?”
After continued begging from the Jonses, the doc said “ok, ok … stop by the market on the way home and buy a box of Cheerios and a bag of oranges.”
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Pupil: “I thought we got a choice for dinner but there is only sausages and …
Pupil: “I thought we got a choice for dinner but there is only sausages and fries.”
Dinner Lady: “That’s the choice, take it or leave it!”
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Leo Tolstoy: All, everything that I understand, I understand only…
All, everything that I understand, I understand only because I love. – Leo Tolstoy
