Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.

Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.

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A couple whose marriage was going on the rocks sought the advice of a marriage …

A couple whose marriage was going on the rocks sought the advice of a marriage counsellor. The counsellor pleaded with them to patch up their quarrel, but they were adamant.

“So,” said the counsellor, “you know the consequences and you want to part. Remember this. You must divide your property equally.”

The wife flared up. “You mean the $ 4,000 I have saved up? I must give him half? My money?”

“Yes,” said the counsellor. “He gets $ 2,000. You get $ 2,000.”

“What about my furniture? I paid for that.”

“Same thing,” answered the counsellor. “Your husband gets the bedroom and the living room; you get the dining room and the kitchen.”

There was a challenging gleam in the wife’s eye. “What about our three children?”

That stumped him. Shrewdly he assayed the situation, then he came up with a Solomonic answer. “Go back and live together until your fourth
child is born. Then you take two children and your husband takes two.”

The wife shook her head. “No, I’m sure that wouldn’t work out. If I depended on him, I wouldn’t have the three I got.”

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Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that …

Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights because they can’t see each other using sign language. After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decides to find a solution.

“Honey,” she signs, “Why don’t we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don’t want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time.”

The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, “Great idea. Now if you want to have sex with me, reach over and pull on my penis one time. If you don’t want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis 50 times.”

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Best Man

You know, the trouble with being the best man at a wedding is that you never get to actually prove it.

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Upper Hand

Groom, take your Bride’s hand and place your hand over hers. Now, remember this moment and cherish it… because this will be the last time you’ll ever have the upper hand!

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Yes Dear

To the groom: Early in your marriage you will find it difficult to get the last word in any discussion. With time, though, you will learn how to always get the last two words in every discussion. Just make sure the words are Yes dear.

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