Why is a viola solo like premature ejaculation?
Because even when you know it’s coming, there’s nothing you can do about it.
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A drunk that smelled like a brewery got on a bus one day. He sat down next to a …
A drunk that smelled like a brewery got on a bus one day. He sat down next to a priest. The drunk’s shirt was stained, his face was full of bright red lipstick and he had a half-empty bottle of wine sticking out of his pocket. He opened his newspaper and started reading. A couple minutes later, he asked the priest, “Father, what causes arthritis?”
“Mister, it’s caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, and contempt for your fellow man,” the priest replied.
“Imagine that,” the drunk muttered. He returned to reading his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, turned to the man and apologized: “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?”
“I don’t have arthritis, Father,” the drunk said, “but I just read in the paper that the Pope does.”
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Drag me, drop me – treat me like an object.
Drag me, drop me – treat me like an object.
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How is an apple like a lawyer?
How is an apple like a lawyer?
They both look good hanging from a tree.
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Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera?
Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera?
Just when it’s getting interesting, they’re finished until next time!
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Why do men like love at first sight?
Why do men like love at first sight?
It saves them a lot of time.
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“Mommy, Mommy! The teacher says I look like a monkey!” …
“Mommy, Mommy! The teacher says I look like a monkey!”
“Shut up and comb your face!”
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Man: “How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Man: “How do you like your eggs in the morning?”
Woman: “Unfertilized.”
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“I’d like to buy some gloves for my wife,” the young man said, eyeing the …
“I’d like to buy some gloves for my wife,” the young man said, eyeing the attractive salesgirl, “but I don’t know her size.”
“Will this help?” she asked sweetly, placing her hand in his.
“Oh, yes,” he answered. “Her hands are just slightly smaller than yours.”
“Will there be anything else?” the salesgirl queried as she wrapped the gloves.
“Now that you mention it,” he replied, “she also needs a new bra.”
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Politicians are like diapers. …
Politicians are like diapers.
They should be changed frequently … and for the same reason
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Oscar Wilde: Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a…
Keep love in your heart. A life without it is like a sunless garden when the flowers are dead. The consciousness of loving and being loved brings a warmth and a richness to life that nothing else can bring. – Oscar Wilde
