The local United Way office realized that it had never received a donation from the town’s most successful lawyer. The volunteer in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute. “Our research shows that out of a yearly income of more than $ 600,000 you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn’t you like to give back to the community in some way?”
The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, “First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?” Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, “Um … No.”
“Second, that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheel chair?” The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was cut off.
“Third, that my sister’s husband died in a traffic accident,” the lawyer’s voice rising in indignation, “leaving her penniless with three children?!” The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, “I had no idea …”
On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, “… And I don’t give any money to them, so why should I give any to you?!?”
This sex researcher phones one of the participants in a recent survey of his to check on a discrepancy. He asks the bloke, “In response to the question on frequency of intercourse you answered ‘twice weekly’. Your wife, on the other hand, answered ‘several times a night’.”
“That’s right,” replies the bloke, “And that’s how it’s going to stay until our second mortgage is paid off.”