“We must be our own before we can be another’s.”
Monthly archives for May, 2012
Yo momma is so fat, every time she wears high heels, she strikes oil.
Yo momma is so fat, every time she wears high heels, she strikes oil.
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Yo momma is so poor, she can’t even afford to pay attention.
Yo momma is so poor, she can’t even afford to pay attention.
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“Doctor! I have a serious problem, I can never remember what I just said. …
“Doctor! I have a serious problem, I can never remember what I just said.”
“When did you first notice this problem?”
“What problem?”
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Nang Maging Sastre Si Bea Alonzo
Bea Alonzo tries out tailoring. This is a challenge she has to take on for her upcoming movie with Derek Ramsay to be directed by no less than Olivia “Inang” Lamasan… See Bea as she immerses on becoming a certified ‘sastre’. For more news and updates on this movie, just visit www.mychos.com and follow us on twitter @mychosdotcom
Video Rating: 5 / 5
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Little Johnny came home from school to see the family’s pet rooster dead in the …
Little Johnny came home from school to see the family’s pet rooster dead in the front yard. Rigor Mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air. When his Dad came home Johnny said, “Dad our rooster is dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs sticking in the air?”
His father thinking quickly said, “Son, that’s so God can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven.”
“Gee Dad that’s great,” said Little Johnny. A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Johnny rushed out to meet him yelling, “Dad, Dad we almost lost Mom today!”
“What do you mean?” said Dad.
“Well Dad, I got home from school early today and went up to your bedroom and there was Mom flat on her back with her legs in the air screaming,”Jesus I’m coming, I’m coming”If it hadn’t of been for Uncle George holding her down we’d have lost her for sure!”
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A blonde cop stops a blonde motorist and asks for her driver’s license. …
A blonde cop stops a blonde motorist and asks for her driver’s license.
The motorist digs around in her purse but can’t find it. She says to the cop, “I must have left it at home, officer.”
The cop says, “Well, do you have any kind of identification?”
The motorist searches her purse again and finds a pocket mirror. She looks at it and says to the cop, “All I have is this picture of myself.”
The cop says, “Let me see.” So the blonde motorist gives the mirror to the blonde cop, who looks at it, and replies, “Well, if I’d known you were a police officer, I wouldn’t have pulled you over.”
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A woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a Genie’s lamp. She …
A woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a Genie’s lamp. She picked it up and rubbed it, and lo-and-behold a Genie appeared. The amazed woman asked if she was going to receive the usual three wishes.
The Genie said, “Nope … due to inflation, constant downsizing, low wages in third-world countries, and fierce global competition, I can only grant you one wish. So … what’ll it be?”
The woman didn’t hesitate. She said, “I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other.”
The Genie looked at the map and exclaimed, “Gadzooks, lady! These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I’m good, but not THAT good! I don’t think it can be done. Make another wish.”
The woman thought for a minute and said, “Well, I’ve never been able to find the right man. You know, one that’s considerate and fun, likes to cook and helps with the housecleaning, is good in bed and gets along with my family, doesn’t watch sports all the time, and is faithful. That’s what I wish for … a good mate.”
The Genie let out a long sigh and said, “Let me see that fucking map!”
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NIPPLE NI LUNINGNING?
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Video Rating: 2 / 5
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Two old ladies were outside their nursing home, having a smoke when it started …
Two old ladies were outside their nursing home, having a smoke when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette and continued smoking.
Lady 1: “What’s that?”
Lady 2: “A condom. This way my cigarette doesn’t get wet.”
Lady 1: “Where did you get it?”
Lady 2: “You can get them at any drugstore.”
The next day … Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms. The guy looks at her kind of strangely (she is, after all, over 80 years of age), but politely asks what brand she prefers.
Lady 1: “It doesn’t matter as long as it fits a Camel.”
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So there’s this guy who meets a girl in a bar. They talk most of the night and …
So there’s this guy who meets a girl in a bar. They talk most of the night and arrange to get together the next night for a date. He tells her he’ll come by about 7 on his motorcycle that he’s buying tomorrow.
So he goes and buys this bike, but it’s an older bike. The guy he’s buying it from tells him to get some Vaseline to put on the points when it rains to keep them from rusting. So he stops at the drugstore on the way to this girls house and gets some Vaseline.
He gets to the girls house and is invited in to dinner with her parents and younger sister. His date tells him “We have a rule in this house. Whoever talks first at dinner has to do ALL the dishes.” He looks around and there are dishes piled EVERYWHERE, ceiling to floor, new dishes in the shelves cause they buy new ones because no one has talked at dinner for several years. He’s thinking “Damn. I gotta make somebody talk, or I’m gonna get stuck doing all these dishes.”
They get to the dinner table and he’s trying to think of how to make somebody talk. So, he reaches over and starts playing with his dates panties under the table. Her dad sees this, and is obviously pissed off, but doesn’t say a word. (He doesn’t want to do these dishes.)
Seeing this isn’t working, he picks his date up and lays her up on the table, rips her panties off, and starts fuckin. Dad’s REAL pissed off now, but still doesn’t say anything.
He’s thinkin, “Hmmm. Try something else.” So he grabs Mom, tosses her up on the table, goes to work. Dad’s mad as HELL now, but still doesn’t say anything. This guys gettin desperate, so he grabs little sister … tosses her up on the table. Dad’s REAL pissed off now, looking around the room, trying to find his shotgun … still not a word, though.
Just then, there’s this big clap of thunder outside. The guy remembers the points on the bike, and it’s about to rain. He jumps up, grabs the Vaseline. Moving towards the door, he accidently makes eye contact with the Dad. Dad’s eyes get big, and he stands up and says, “ALRIGHT!!! I’ll do the damn dishes.”
